Photo by Don Spiro

Friday, May 14, 2010

So...Who is Kat Mon Dieu...REALLY?

Kat Mon Dieu was the firstborn of five kittens in a closet full of stilettos somewhere on a chicken farm upstate. Young Kat became adept at catching grasshoppers and voles. It was a happy life until the day a farm boy chased her mom away with a .22 and her siblings were whisked off in a burlap bag in the back of a green Chevy pickup.
Kat escaped the same fate by hitching a ride with a Hippy family in a VW bus on their way to Mexico. While South of the border she enjoyed all the chicken bones lying about but the rabid dogs were not much to her liking so she sauntered to the East coast and hopped ship to England, inspired by kittenhood tales of a certain hep-cat who rolled with the likes of Duke Whittington, and his band. She had hoped to eventually meet said rogue as he was her first celebrity crush, but was disappointed to learn he had not been around for a couple of centuries.
She earned her keep by performing a tightrope act with a traveling gypsy troupe which was the start of her love affair with the stage. They performed all over Europe, but the near constant rain and smelly sheep she shared quarters with were not much fun either, so she stowed away on a 747 heading back Stateside.
Upon her return she found she had acquired not just a chronic case of aviaphobia, but also an inscrutable accent, which attracted many suitors and gave her an exotic European je ne sais quois. She frequented French restaurants with them (her favorites: garlic snails and frogs legs); also to watch the glamorous ones in their finery, and eat from the plates of awed and speechless patrons.
Upon seeing her, the waiters would exclaim “Cat! Mon Dieu! Sacre Bleu!” and proceed to chase after her for an autograph (they never got one). Well, that became the name that stuck (much better than some of the others!)…however, due to the length of it, she shortened it to Kat Mon Dieu! She spells cat with a K in honor of her little sister Kidi, who was unfortunately in the burlap bag.
She got her first lucky break as understudy for the famous Kat Kwinn of Tabby Horror fame. One night Kat just didn’t show up and the role of the Cunning "Domestic" Cat was hers for the next two years. As much as she loved the time warp and the lure of a feather duster, Kat decided to expand her repertoire and took the role of Duchess in "The Aristocats on Ice" production at Madison Square Garden. One night on her way home she was serenaded by a caterwauling genius from the streets and 2 months later they had a kitten. He spent all her earnings on sour milk and totally went to pot. She lost her role as Duchess, and went on to make a meager living as an Artist's Cat at the Art Students League of NY for a time. She couldn't even afford kitty litter anymore. Struggling for awhile she went back to the School of Hard Knocks and learned how to deliver other cats kittens. To this day she has delivered approximately 27,950 kittens. Now she has three half grown kittens of her own and 4 adopted strays, and as they get a little older she finds herself longing to return to the stage.
After all, one can take only so much of cord gnawing and placenta eating before one longs for the feel of glitter in ones whiskers again...
For as long as she's been around, she's still only halfway through her 4th life. Kat lives with her 7 kittens and her big hairy tomcat, who is not the caterwauling sort at all, but who gives good bath and is very thorough with the hard to reach spots.

No comments:

Post a Comment